Dear partner of the mum who is struggling …
When you see the silent tears rolling down her face and her body heaving with each sob – hold her in your arms. Tell her how much you love her. Let her cry. And when the tears stop, hold her some more.
When you get cranky because you haven’t had sex in ages, go take a shower and knock the top off it. Remember, her body is healing, and is exhausted. Ask her what she needs to feel nourished. Listen to her. Massage her back. Run her a bath. Invite her for a walk. Love her with all your Heart. Let her know you’re there for her. Be patient – the intimacy will return.
When you see her eating chocolate, DO NOT make a comment about how fat her butt is (EVER!!). Offer to make her a cup of tea to enjoy with it. That chocolate is the only thing keeping her from falling apart.
When you know she hasn’t slept all night because baby has been crying … tuck her into bed. Kiss her gently. Tell her to sleep. Put baby in the pram and go for a walk.
And every day, tell her how amazing she is. Every day, ask her what she needs to feel supported. Love her. Tell her she is beautiful. Tell her she is doing an amazing job. Honour her. Every day.
Right now she needs you to hold her. Right now she needs you to stand by her side. Right now she needs you to be in the messiness of parenting with her. Not judging her. Simply being with her in compassion and deep love.
Don’t turn away when things get tough. Don’t run away when her sobs are too loud, or her words are harsh. Stand with her. Lean in. Embrace her. She needs you right now. She needs your love – more than you will ever know.
Please remember, your words and actions of love are helping her get through some of the toughest days of her life.
Jane
